There are times in a person’s life where we are almost forced to pause and take stock of our life thus far, these time seem to be around major life events, may it be the start of adult life, firstborn child, death of a loved one, or even growing old. It is at the times that life says ‘stop, think, reflect’ and it allows us the serenity and clarity to see things we may not have seen before. For myself, one of these times has been spread out over the course about about six months, a time marked my flagrant self-destruction. Wether it be for fear of facing the stock of my life or the wanton disregard for the impetus of change, the self-destructive path has ended at once of these very moments of serenity.
Serenity, the state of being calm, peaceful, and untroubled. This word seems almost ironic to use as a statement of being at the end of a tumultuous time in life, but truthfully it is the best word to be used. Everyday we fight the pressures around us, telling ourselves that “we can handle it,” that it’s just “one more day, one more hour, one more minute” and I’ll be free. But that’s just it, we await freedom like it is something that will only come if we are in expectation of it when in reality, it always there. It is there in a morning cup of coffee, a young child running through the grass, the Summer breeze as it bursts off the ocean waves, the Autumn leaves falling to the earth with an almost supernatural slowness, in the embrace of a dear friend. These are the moments of freedom, these are the moments we need to cherish and recognize for what they are. Without these we are mere wraiths of human beings going through the daily motions of life, forever captive by our own dismal illusion.
It is time we push back, push back against those force pressing in on us, trying to convince us we have already lost this battle. It is time to stand and say “No, I will not relapse into darkness.” Not when when there is a chance at light and beauty, the fool is the one who gives up and drowns in the darkness without first trying to stand and find the ground only 3 feet below the surface. We are stronger than we seem, we cannot let stress or worries or even people get us down.
Granted there are those out there who would will us to fail, to claim to be there for us and in reality are only there to watch us drown. These are the ones that are doomed to fall, for they have yet to reach a place of serenity of there own. But know this, when they do they fall harder and farther than ever you have and will not come out of it unchanged, for how does a girl fall down a rabbit hole and come out unchanged, the answer? She doesn’t. Each of us will in time come to terms with our thoughts and actions, but until then we can only focus on what we do on a daily basis. Will we be the ones there to offer the freedom held within an embrace or will become like the very one who sought to keep us down? The question is posed to each of us and the answer can only be found within. As for myself, I do believe this moment of clarity, this state of being calm, peaceful, and untroubled after such an onslaught of pain has taught me one thing, I shall stand, I shall push back, and I shall survive. I will live.
